Trying to keep someone from hitting rock-bottom may take away their opportunity to find and experience a foundation.
Sometimes rock-bottom is the very foundation someone needs.
We think that we are being helpful when we try to save people [from themselves]. But we forget, we cannot save people, they have to save themselves. We cannot do the work for them, they must do the work themselves. We can only help guide, provide access to necessary tools and a better environment… And all of this will only be helpful if the person is open, ready, and willing to receive. If they are not open, if they are not ready, and if they are not willing to do the necessary work, nothing will ever change.
Sometimes the lesson is not for that person, but for the helper. We can often do a disservice to people when trying to keep them from pain, disappointment, hurt, or an experience in which may not be so great but they will get so much from. It is imperative for each of us to learn just how powerful, resilient, and capable we are. Sometimes when we think that we’re being nice/kind we’re actually being unkind. When we intervene too much, we take away a persons sense of self. We take away a persons feeling of empowerment. We take away opportunity, growth, and the ability to persevere. When we tell people what they should be doing, how they should be doing it, what would be better for them, we are telling them to deny their own intuition we are telling them to disregard what they think and feel is best for them. In many ways we are telling and encouraging them to betray and abandon themselves. This starts from when we are very little kids and shows up very boldly as adults. As parents we need to be giving our children room to be themselves, make decisions for themselves and experience the consequences of those decisions. Now, there is an age appropriateness to this. But, we need to be cognizant of when a child is capable and able of doing more and realize when it is our own fears and thresholds that are getting in the way of allowing that free and unique spirit to truly express as they are. Someone experiencing true danger as opposed to a mild discomfort or even great discomfort is very different.
Each person has a different threshold of what they can withstand and what information they need in order to truly learn and/or transform. Our threshold may be very different from another’s threshold, and when we want to help or are trying to save someone we’re often reacting from our own threshold.
It can be really difficult to watch somebody experience something that we deem hurtful, painful, frustrating, embarrassing, uncomfortable, unacceptable, or the like. But, we have to remember our filter and lens in which we are taking this information in. We have to remember our own fears, our own threshold, our own opinions. And it is not up to us to fight another’s battle, it is up to us to remind the person that they are truly capable of entering this battle and equipping them with everything that they need to get through it, and to remind them and let them know that we love and support them, believe in them and are cheering them on.
The best and the kindest thing that we can ever do for someone is to love them. When loving unconditionally, it does not mean that we constantly show up for someone and consistently do things for them. Unconditional love sometimes means that we create such a healthy boundaries that we don’t even interact with that person, but we love them from a far. It means that we haven’t throw them away, and we’re taking necessary measures to not get sucked in and decay whatever foundation we have just so that we can go on the ride for them to hit their rock-bottom and finally find their foundation. Unconditional love means that we love a person for exactly who they are, where they are, and have zero expectation for them being any different then how they are presenting. It means that we highlight and remember the things that we love and appreciate most about them. It means that we share how we feel and what we think about this person that we want to help, and the opinions that we share are only from a place of love and kindness. For someone to be told how another views them through the eyes of love is an incredible, pure, and priceless gift. It’s not about telling somebody what they’re doing wrong, how they can change things, what could be different… It’s about sharing with them the love, the talents, the strengths, the abilities, and the uniqueness that being possesses without telling them that they’re not living up to that or this is who they should be it’s just a matter of noticing their essence and reminding them of the light and love that they are.By Melissa Reese